What Four Years of Meditation Taught Me

I have meditated every day for four years. And when I look back at who I was when I started, I realize just how much has changed.

In June 2022, I sat down to meditate after attending my first Joe Dispenza event. I had no idea that one meditation would become the beginning of a completely different chapter of my life.

Four years later, meditation is still part of my everyday life.

And when I say every day, I mean it. There have been days when I’ve sat quietly in meditation, days when I’ve listened to music, days when I’ve used a guided meditation, and days when my practice looked very different from what most people would consider “meditation.”

In fact, just recently, I went two days without what I would traditionally call meditation. My body and mind were processing so much that sitting down and intentionally meditating seemed to stir up even more. I eventually realized that I had still been practicing in a different way. I sat quietly and reflected on what had happened during the previous week. I became still. I looked inward. I considered where I wanted to go from there.

My husband pointed out something that made me stop and think: Does meditation always have to mean sitting down with your eyes closed for twenty minutes?

I realized it doesn’t.

Meditation can take many forms. At its heart, I believe it is about becoming still enough to step away from the constant noise of the mind and connect with something deeper within yourself.

That doesn’t mean every quiet activity is meditation. Journaling isn’t automatically meditation, and simply sitting quietly while your thoughts race isn’t necessarily meditation either. For me, there has to be an element of stillness, reflection, connection, and stepping out of the constant momentum of everyday thought.

And after four years, I can tell you that the journey has been anything but linear.

Where It All Began

When I attended that first event in June 2022, I was struggling with my health. I had experienced a long list of symptoms and diagnoses, and I felt like I was continually searching for something that would help.

I had tried herbs, diets, tapping, acupuncture, and other approaches. Meditation and energy work, however, were much further outside my comfort zone.

I also grew up with a Christian background, and meditation had always been something I associated with opening yourself up to things you probably shouldn’t be opening yourself up to. So attending a meditation retreat was definitely outside my comfort zone.

I went into that first event with a lot of skepticism.

And then something happened that changed everything for me.

During one meditation, I experienced what I can only describe as a profound moment of healing and connection. It happened almost instantly. In that moment, I felt connected directly to what I understood as God or Source.

I can’t adequately explain what happened inside me.

But something changed.

My beliefs changed. My perspective changed. My understanding of myself changed. And perhaps most importantly, I experienced something that made me want to keep exploring.

I remember thinking: I don’t want to lose this.

So I made a commitment to myself.

I wasn’t going to stop.

Healing Isn’t a One-Time Event

It’s easy to think of healing as something that happens once.

You have the breakthrough. You feel amazing. You think you’ve finally arrived.

But that’s not really how my experience has been.

Healing has been an ongoing process of discovering, releasing, becoming aware, and then discovering something else underneath it.

There have been periods when I was meditating consistently and felt like I was moving forward quickly. There have also been periods when things became difficult and I questioned what was happening.

I’ve learned that sometimes the things we thought we had already healed can come back to the surface.

Old thoughts.

Old emotional patterns.

Old fears.

Old reactions.

When that happens, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve gone backward. Sometimes it simply gives you an opportunity to see something at a deeper level.

For me, meditation has become a place where I can stop, notice what is happening within me, and ask better questions.

Why am I feeling this? Where is this coming from? What am I still holding onto? What am I afraid of? What would happen if I let this go?

Those questions have become just as important as the meditation itself.

Four Years Changed More Than My Meditation Practice

When I first started, I wasn’t trying to become more intuitive. I wasn’t trying to experience past lives. I wasn’t trying to see energy or develop psychic abilities.

I was trying to heal.

But as I continued meditating, my understanding of myself and my perception of the world began to expand.

I’ve become much more aware of subtle sensations, energy, intuition, and information that seems to come through without conscious thought.

I’ve experienced vivid flashes or impressions that I later interpreted as connections to past lives. I’ve become more sensitive to energy, and I’ve had experiences of seeing things that I perceive as energetic or spiritual.

I never sat down and said, “Today I’m going to become clairvoyant.”

These experiences simply became part of my journey.

And they have changed the way I understand intuition.

I don’t think intuition always looks like some dramatic psychic prediction. Sometimes it’s simply a knowing. A feeling. A thought that suddenly appears. An image that flashes through your mind. A sense that something is important even though you can’t immediately explain why.

The more I have learned to become still, the more I have noticed those subtle impressions.

And that brings me to something I call opening the spiritual cord.

Becoming More Sensitive

The way I see it, meditation creates space.

Our minds are constantly processing information. We’re thinking about yesterday, worrying about tomorrow, reacting to what’s happening around us, experiencing emotions, absorbing information from other people, and trying to make sense of the world.

Meditation gives us a chance to stop.

To become still.

And when we become still, we may begin to notice things that were always there but were simply drowned out by everything else.

For me, that sensitivity has continued to expand over the years.

Sometimes it has been beautiful.

Sometimes it has been surprising.

And sometimes it has been overwhelming.

There have been moments when I’ve sensed or perceived so much that I actually wanted it to stop. I’ve had experiences where I felt like I was receiving more information than I knew what to do with.

That taught me something important:

Opening yourself spiritually isn’t just about learning how to receive. It’s also about learning how to discern, create boundaries, and know when you need to step back.

More isn’t always better.

Sometimes the most important thing you can do is simply become grounded and present.

The Unexpected Ways My Journey Has Evolved

One of the most surprising things about this journey is that I didn’t set out to become the person I am today.

Over the past four years, I’ve explored hypnotherapy, QHHT, Hawaiian spiritual practices, Pranic Healing, meditation, energy work, and many other approaches.

I became a practitioner.

I began working with clients.

I created meditations.

I started sharing what I was learning.

None of this was part of the plan when I first sat down to meditate.

At the time, I was a stay-at-home mom. I never imagined that I would eventually build a business around helping other people explore their own healing and personal growth.

But that’s what happens when you begin following the path in front of you.

You don’t always know where it is going.

You simply take the next step.

Letting Go of the Need to Understand Everything

Another thing meditation has given me is a much greater willingness to question my own beliefs.

I used to think there was one way to understand spirituality.

Now I see how many different traditions, religions, practices, and cultures exist around the world. And while their beliefs can look very different on the surface, I’ve also noticed many similarities underneath them.

Different words.

Different rituals.

Different interpretations.

But sometimes very similar ideas about connection, consciousness, compassion, transformation, and something greater than ourselves.

I don’t think we have to understand everything.

In fact, I’ve become much more comfortable with saying, “I don’t know.”

I can have an experience without needing to immediately explain it.

I can be curious without deciding that I have all the answers.

And I can explore something without requiring someone else to believe exactly what I believe.

For me, that’s part of spiritual growth too.

The Battles Are Part of the Journey

People sometimes imagine that becoming more spiritually aware means life gets easier.

That hasn’t necessarily been my experience.

In many ways, becoming more aware has meant becoming more aware of the things I still need to work through.

Recently, I experienced what I consider one of the biggest internal battles of my life.

It brought up questions about stepping into my power, fear of failure, old patterns, and the ways I have held myself back.

I had to ask myself some uncomfortable questions.

What am I actually afraid of?

Where did this fear come from?

Have I ever really failed in the way I think I have?

Why am I putting so much pressure on myself?

Sometimes the answer isn’t found by doing more.

Sometimes it’s found by stopping.

Becoming still.

And listening.

That is one of the greatest lessons meditation has taught me.

You Don’t Have to Be Perfect

Four years of daily meditation sounds impressive until you realize that it doesn’t mean every meditation was profound.

Some were beautiful.

Some were difficult.

Some felt like nothing happened at all.

And sometimes I didn’t want to meditate.

That’s important because I don’t want anyone reading this to think they have failed if they miss a day.

There is no meditation police.

You don’t have to meditate for an hour every morning.

You don’t have to have mystical experiences.

You don’t have to see energy.

You don’t have to become psychic.

You don’t have to have a breakthrough every time you close your eyes.

Meditation isn’t a competition.

Your journey is your journey.

The important thing is creating some space in your life where you can step away from the noise and simply be.

Be Still

One of the phrases that has become especially meaningful to me is:

“Be still and know.”

There is something incredibly powerful about those words.

Be still.

Not fix everything.

Not figure everything out.

Not control everything.

Not force the next breakthrough.

Just be still.

When we become truly still, something may come through.

Maybe it’s an idea.

Maybe it’s clarity.

Maybe it’s a realization.

Maybe it’s an emotion that finally has room to move.

Maybe it’s peace.

Maybe it’s simply the experience of being present with yourself.

And maybe that’s enough.

After four years, I don’t meditate because I expect something extraordinary to happen every time.

I meditate because I have experienced what happens when I give myself the space to listen.

I meditate because I want to continue growing.

I meditate because I want to continue discovering who I am beneath all of the thoughts, expectations, fears, beliefs, and patterns I’ve accumulated throughout my life.

And I meditate because I still don’t know where this journey will take me.

That’s actually one of the things I love most about it.

Four Years Later, I’m Still Becoming

When I look at who I was in June 2022 and who I am today, I see a completely different person.

Not because I’ve reached some final destination.

But because I kept going.

I kept asking questions.

I kept exploring.

I kept letting go.

I kept discovering parts of myself I didn’t know existed.

And I kept sitting down every day.

Sometimes the journey has felt like an incredible expansion.

Sometimes it has felt like a battle.

Sometimes I have wondered why I ever opened this door.

But I wouldn’t close it now.

If you’re beginning your own meditation practice, don’t worry about where it will take you. Don’t compare your experiences to someone else’s. And don’t assume that because you aren’t having the same experiences I describe that you’re doing something wrong.

Set your intention.

Become still.

Listen.

And allow your own journey to unfold.

Because you never really know what can happen when you simply keep showing up for yourself.

Four years ago, I sat down to meditate because I didn’t want to lose the feeling I experienced when I healed.

Today, I meditate because I know there is still so much more to discover.

And I’m not done yet.